I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
