Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
