my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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