Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
