Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
