the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize