just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
