she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
