i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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