I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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