there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
