Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
