I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
