He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize