Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
