I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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