i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
