You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
