Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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