My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
