i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
