Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize