Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
