What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
