I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
