The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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