Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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