Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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