Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
