Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
