Got a toothbrush?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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