Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize