I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
