We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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