We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize