Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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