My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
