the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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