I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
