Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
