I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
