Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
