Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize