i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We don't watch enough power rangers
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
