This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
