the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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