i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
