Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
