I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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