i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
