I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
