is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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