Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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