Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
