I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
