D3 body, D1 cock
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my poor anus
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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