That's intense
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
