i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
