he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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