He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
