I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
