After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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