naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize