.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
