when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
