mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
