All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
