i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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