I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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