Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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