No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
please come you make the beer taste better
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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