lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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