Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
