I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
