I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
