dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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