I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
