Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
