Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
