evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
