How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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