All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it's great music for shaving your balls
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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