I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
