Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
