the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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