Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
