Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
