Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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