Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
