she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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