Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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