Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
