I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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