i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
