Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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