I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
do herpes really smell.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
