that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
