I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
